For me being diagnosed was NO picnic. Partly due to the fact schizoaffective disorder is very hard
to diagnose and partly because I just plain drank too much. (this is VERY important for anyone-for a true
dx you have to stop the drinking or drugs because they alter your moods and personality).

The first thing that made me want to get help, after my fathers death, was i didn't feel right-couldn't
explain it. I read about it and it said depression but i still didn't get it. Then one afternoon I was listening to the radio and the 10,000 Maniacs song "Like The Weather" came on and hit me like a ton of bricks!I identified with it! (the alcohol didnt help since its a central nervous system depressant).

So down we went to ye olde psych hospital and got a pdoc who gave me Prozac. To me, Prozac is the
devil. If I had the inclination to commit suicide it gave me the "chutzpah" to do it. I was not happy. I was
also accused of lying on the psych testing about hallucinations....PLEASE....sheesh!

To make a boring long story short, some months later I wandered into another psych hospital and I was
real bad. This older Pakistani pdoc sent me to the psych ward, and within almost 2 month's in the hospital and my cooperation, I actually walked out feeling like I thought I never ever would.

So, almost 13 yrs later---same pdoc! He's a wonderful, funny, humaitarian, compassionate person. After
all this time we know each other very well too. This really helps. But I know I have to do my part and take
my meds, and if anything's wrong I tell the doc. They're not mind readers.

I wont say life after dx is a bed of roses....more like potatoes.You have to work some to get at the good
stuff. Constant vigilance required. And the more used I get to a high level of stability, the more I notice
when something's going wrong. I don't like it, and my pdoc knows I dont. I make sure of it : )

peace love and hope
jules:))))

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Last Modified: 05-06-01